My Thoughts On Reading My Diaries Many Years Later

I recently went back in time and mentally relived a part of my past, beginning at the young age of 16.  I kept a diary back then.  It was my first diary, one of 8 to follow.  I continued to write in a new diary during different stages of my life from that point on.  Even then, I realized that this was something special, a way for me to preserve memories to reflect upon one day when I am much older, and to be able to someday share it with my kids and grandkids.  Upon reading these there were some entries that I would not want anyone to read.  In fact, I scribbled out a few things!  Just a few.  And some pages have been torn out previously.  I had these diaries in my hope chest and one by one I read every single page.  With each diary I saw how things changed, how I changed, the way I expressed myself as I grew from a teenager, to a wife, and to a mother.  I once again felt those feelings of happiness, fear, sadness, and excitement. There were deaths, births, illnesses, friends coming and going in my life, my kids growing up so fast (and those wonderful teenage years), and house building.  I even wrote down prices of things like food, gas, clothing, appliances, electronics, movies, etc.  Which by the way, some appliances and electronics cost more then than they do now. 

There were a few things that surprised me in my journaling.  One is, I could not believe how often I ate at fast food restaurants as a teenager.  I am certain it was because it was the affordable choice, it was convenient, and it tasted good.  Not to mention the fact that I was very skinny, very young, and without the slightest concern about my arteries and cholesterol, just so long as I wasn’t getting fat.  As the years went on my diet changed for the better.  Today I rarely eat fast food, and I try to eat the foods that are good for me.  I’m sure that is due in part to the fact that I am well aware of age creeping in, and I’m trying to do things that will ensure a longer life. 

My movie choices as a teenager had much to be desired, but I’m sure that’s what you get when you go to a drive-in theatre, if you know what I mean.  Another thing I hadn’t really realized, until reading my diaries, is just how much time I spent with my mom after I married at the age of 18.  (Which, by the way, being married at 18 explains why we are no longer married, even though we did love each other.  We grew up and grew apart, and after 3 wonderful children and 25 years together, we went our separate ways.)  I often went over to mom’s house, and we would go shopping, or out to lunch.  My sisters would either still be living there or would come over to mom’s house too, and we would all hang out and talk or do things together.  For years I would see my mom at least 3 times a week, and talk to her on the phone even more.  My sisters and I and our mom were really close and did so much together.  We celebrated everyone’s birthdays and every holiday together.  Mom and dad were divorced, and dad had his place in our lives, too.  He wasn’t around as much, but we loved him just the same.  Mom was always buying my kids toys, clothes and gifts.  She would take them shopping at the dollar store and she would have them over for sleepovers.  My sisters and I would take turns having each others kids overnight.  At one point we had our own little club and we would meet at each other’s houses on Thursdays and have a meal together and talk about anything and everything women talk about.  Mom and I even took college classes together, and I have some fond memories of that time, like the time we could not stop laughing in class because the teacher said something, not meant to be funny, but we thought it was hilarious.  We were both going to be nurses, and we both changed our minds.  But we had fun in that year we were together in school.  I went on through, to the second year without her, and graduated with an Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts.  Mom was right there cheering me on. During this period in my life I was married with 3 small children and also babysitting a couple of kids on a full-time basis.  It was tough trying to find time to study, let alone raise a family and maintain a household.

My diary from the time I was living in Germany with my dad, and attending Frankfurt American High School, jarred my memory on a few things that I had forgotten about.  Like, the time it took our bus 2 1/2 hours to get to school because of the snow, and the time a bunch of my friends were at a sleepover at Ruth's house and I woke up to find my bra in the freezer, and one day a month after our arrival in Germany my sister and I mailed out 31 letters back to the states.  Little did I know at the age of 16 that my long lost friends from school would become my friends on Facebook many years later!  Obviously, times have changed since the 70's. And whoever would have thought I'd be blogging my stories on a computer.

Another thing that I realized from my entries was how my memories of my kids always being these angelic-like beings, who never fought with each other and never got on my nerves, was wrong.  They did fight with each other and they did get on my nerves.  It’s so funny how those memories fade over time and how you remember all the good stuff more.  One day when my two oldest were 3 and 1 1/2, they kept fighting over their toys and crying at the same time.  I threw my hands up in despair and said, “I don’t want anymore kids!”  And my 3 year old daughter said in a ha-ha tone to her voice, “I don’t want no more mommies either!”  And then she added, “And no more daddies, too!”  It made me realize something there.  Maybe I was getting on her nerves, too.  Of course, I was blessed to have another child a year and a half later. 

One of my diaries was all about the home building process of our log home two decades ago.  What a job that was, building a house with our own hands, and working full time, raising 3 kids who were all involved in sports, dance, and music, and trying to have a life outside of building a house. 

Having diaries is just a small part of the many things I have done over the years to preserve memories. I have also saved things.  I guess I learned this from my mom.  She saved elementary school papers and drawings I did, post cards from camp, and letters from Dad in Vietnam.  I continued the tradition and started my own collection and saved a lot of things of sentimental value to me.  For my kids, I saved everything from baby clothes to baby teeth, favorite t-shirts from camp, vacations, or school sports, toys, books, hair clippings from first haircuts, lists of their vocabulary at certain ages, growth charts, school papers and art projects, newspaper clippings from their sports (all put in scrapbooks), notes, and so on.  I didn’t save everything, of course.  At the end of each semester in school I would go through their school work and save my favorites, or their favorites, like stories they wrote, etc.  And I would put them in a separate folder and label it.  They each have a folder for every grade, even some college.  I saved their favorite toys and the blankets my mom made them.  So now, each of my three kids has about 16 plastic totes, with their childhood memories tucked safely inside.  I know they appreciate that I did this for them.  But I didn’t do it just for them.  I did it for their children, and for their grandchildren, and I did it for me.  It made me feel good.  I can’t explain it, but I guess it makes me feel like I kept their childhood alive.

I realize now and have always known that my kids are my greatest blessings in life. I know that I am not perfect.  I have made mistakes in my life, I didn’t always do things exactly right, I have wanted to go back and change some things, and I have missed out on opportunities that were presented to me.  Aside from that, I am who I am because of the woman my mom and dad raised me to be, and because of the family values that were instilled in me, and because of my life’s circumstances that lead me down the path I’ve taken.  I may not be someone who has accomplished great things, but I do believe I am a good mom.  Reading my diaries gave me a glimpse of my past and reminded me of all the things I did do right.     

 

What the Heck is a Haboob?

I sure never heard of a Haboob...until last night when I was sitting in my living room watching TV.  Suddenly a special alert came on the tube showing a large sandstorm had just entered the Gilbert/Chandler area.  I thought, oh no, we are right in it's path, and there's no way we are going to miss this.   It was HUGE!  It looked like a giant exploding vacuum sweeper bag!   Sure enough, within minutes it was here.  My daughter called and said, "Welcome to Phoenix!"  I'm used to thunderstorms, snowstorms and blizzards, from living in Iowa, not sandstorms.  I learned later that this was an exceptionally large sandstorm, called a Haboob, one that many valley residents have never seen the likes of.  It's more of a middle east type of storm.  This one was over a mile high and 100 miles long! It lasted about an hour, with sustained winds of 50 to 70 miles an hour, with a sprinkling of rain afterwards...just enough to put sand and mud spots on everything!  We are in monsoon season now and typically it means there can be rain and blowing dust.  Sometimes a lot of rain at once.  This is a Haboob... 

 My daughter took this picture from her second floor bedroom as the Haboob made it's way into her neighborhood.  It crawled over the mountain, which you can't even see here. I live only 7 blocks away, so I got hit virtually at the same time.  I wish I would have looked out the window to see it coming, but I certainly heard it once it arrived.  Boy, did I ever!  It sounded like a blizzard with sleet and ice coming down.

In this picture you can see the bottom of South Mountain.  I saw my neighbor driving in to their garage during the middle of the storm.  Unfortunately, they got caught in it.  So many cars today were covered in sand and dirt and the news reported that the car washes were crowded all day.  People's pools were full of sand, too.  However, my neighbor's pool looked pretty clean, considering.

This is what my windows looked like this morning.  And people who know me, know that I can't stand dirty windows!  The first thing I did when I got up was go outside and start cleaning up.  I even skipped my morning coffee!  It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be out there.  I hosed down everything, washed the windows, and raked the seeds that finally fell from my cypress tree, thanks to the wind.  Everything was back in order 4 hours later.  Oh, and my cypress tree is actually standing up straighter than it was before. hehe

 

 My daughter and her husband kept laughing at the pronunciation of Haboob, so.... I had to laugh when I saw this photo in my daughter's facebook album after she posted pictures of the Haboob.  I commented that this is 'a little boobie'.  Shame on me.  Oh well, she thought the comment was funny, and we needed some humor after the experience we just had.

While I was outside working today I saw that the house that is being built behind me is going to be a two story, not a single story like I was hoping.  Now, not only is my mountain view gone, but so is my privacy.  I've got to figure out what to do about this.  I need some fast growing, super tall trees and bushes.  Or a cheaper way to go would be to annoy them somehow so THEY are forced to spend the money on some privacy plants.  I'm such a clean, quiet person who isn't home much, so how can I annoy them?  I was here first!

For the Love of Art

                               I drew a picture of my mom yesterday.

I took art in high school and haven't painted a picture since then...until this one.

Reconnecting in Iowa

     

I recently went back to my hometown in Iowa to take care of some business.  While I was there I spent some time with my family.  Even my daughter-in-law and grandson were in town visiting her family, so one of my sisters joined me in having dinner with them one night.  Little Mason's hair has grown so much in the past month since I last saw him.  He's adorable!  The next day I drove up to St. Charles to visit my mom, and my daughter and her boyfriend met us there from Chicago.  It was a great day, and mom was so happy to see us! Below is a picture of my mom and Alisa.

Throughout my stay, it was also so great to see my sisters again, and to reconnect with them after all the heartache we've been dealing with regarding our mom and her illness.  I feel so good that for the most part, it went very well.  I feel like I have my sisters back again...with the exception of one, who appears not as eager as me to reconcile our differences.  I'm hoping in time she will.  I love all of my sisters very much.  The picture below is with Vicki.  Next time I will try to get pics of the rest of them. 
     

I really can't come back home without getting together with some of my friends! It was nice that I was able to spend one-on-one time with three of them...so, for three nights in a row I had a friend to share fun girl talk with over dinner.  A glass of wine always makes the conversation more interesting! 

Here's a picture of me and Michelle.

 

Mother's Day in Chicago

My family joined us in Chicago for a special Mother's Day celebration.  My youngest daughter lives in the city and my mom is living in an assisted living center in the suburbs, so my kids gave me the best Mother's Day gift by agreeing to come back to the midwest so they can see my mom (their nana) for Mother's Day and be with me.  Here we are, me, my kids and my mom.  Mom looked really good and seemed so happy to see everyone.   I'm hoping things will change and mom will be able to come live with me.  She deserves a life with her family.   

My mom and me.  I love her so much.

Here's my daughters, son, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, and grandkids.  My daughter's boyfriend wasn't able to join us because he graduated fom UIC today, otherwise, he would have been in this picture.  It's unfortunate we were unable to attend his graduation, but we really wanted to be with nana today.  We went out for Chicago style pizza afterwards, though, to celebrate his graduation.

 

This is the view from my daughter's apartment, from the living room balcony. 

 

My grandchildren had fun running around the hallway of the apartment.  I tried to keep them occupied while the others were getting ready, by playing duck, duck, goose and ring around the rosie, but they had more fun having a screaming contest and running to the elevator to push the buttons!  Luckily, the neighbors didn't say a word.

 

This is just something I do...what can I say? My youngest daughter and I started this about 3 years ago.  She was at work today, or I'm sure she would have been right with me on this one!

Our Trip To California

Al and I went to California recently to babysit my grandson while my son and daughter-in-law went on vacation.  It was so much fun being there with my grandson and having that time to bond with him.  He is such a good little boy and is so very easy going, just like his daddy.  I love the little babbling sounds he makes.  He is always 'talking', and it's so cute.  He loves the book, 'The Napping House'.  A CD  comes with the book, and he knows how to put it in the CD player.  Every night we followed this ritual,  and then he would sit on my lap to listen to the story.  As soon as the story was over he would take the CD out and put his favorite music CD in, to listen to as he goes to sleep.

 

After my son and daughter-in-law returned from vacation, we spent a day visiting with them and hearing about their amazing trip and filling them in on how my grandson did while they were gone.  I am so happy they had a wonderful time.  The next day Al and I drove up to Napa Valley.  It's probably not even an hour away from where they live.  We had beautiful weather as we strolled through some of the wineries.  Robert Mondavi was our first stop, and we were both feeling pretty good after sampling some of their finest wines.  We were laughing because we had the rest of the day ahead of us!  Robert Mondavi is one of my favorites so, of course, we had to buy a bottle.  We found a little cafe to have lunch and then set out for some more touring.  Our next stop was Beringer, where we sampled some more wine and bought another bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.  From there we went to the Beaulieu Vineyard, drank another glass, and bought our third bottle of wine to take home.  It was a wonderful day and I thoroughly enjoyed it!  All of the wine we bought is going to be saved for special occassions since it's quite a bit more expensive than what we are used to buying. 

The next morning we drove to San Francisco and lucked out because the weather was absolutely gorgeous.  There was no fog, and it was very nice and warm.  In fact, we parked the car so we could walk across the bridge, and I got so hot I had to take my sweater off.  That's the first time it's been that warm in all the times I've visited the city.  We did the usual touristy stuff, like ride the cable cars, and walk around Pier 39 and eat and shop there. While strolling down by the piers, I got spooked by the 'bush man'.  All of a sudden a big bush fell over on me.  It scared me and I jumped out of the way and screamed.  I looked over my shoulder and saw a guy crouched down with a big  bush in his hands just looking up at me! I couldn't believe it!  When we got home my son asked us if we saw the bush man.  And I told him yes.  Well, from what my son says, this guy has been doing this for years.  At one point the city banned him from scaring people, but then they let him come back because he made people laugh, I guess.  It's funny, because a lady a few steps behind us got spooked too.  She obviously didn't see him get me!   We also went up the hill to the Top of the Mark restaurant and saw incredible views of the city.  We spent the entire day there just walking, eating, and soaking up the atmosphere.  Both of us like to do things like that, just see places and experience things together.  It was a lot of fun!

We left San Francisco and flew directly to Chicago to spend Mother's Day with my mom.  That will be my next post.

The Precious Little Ones In My Life

                                                                    
Grandchildren fill a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.   Here's my granddaughters in their Easter dresses.  I live really close to them now, since I moved to Phoenix last year.  It's nice to be able to spend as much time with them as I want.  The older one has become very nuturing to her little sister.  The younger one takes after dad, she got the Navajo gene.  The older one takes after mom.  But of course, my grandkids all look like me!!!                              

I feel so blessed to have these little ones in my life.  Here's my only grandson (for now).  We are in California, babysitting him while my son and daughter-in-law are on vacation. My grandson does a lot of baby talking and his voice just melts my heart!  He's such an easy going baby, just like his dad was growing up.  Al and I are having so much fun with him! 

Karma

Belief in karma ought to make the life pure, strong, serene, and glad.  Only our
own deeds can hinder us; only our own will can fetter us.  Once let men
recognize this truth, and the hour of their liberation has struck.  Nature
cannot enslave the soul that by wisdom has gained power and uses both in love. 
~Annie Besant

When some people meet karma one day it likely won't be a very good meeting.  Mean people listen up!  Nice people get ahead in life and are generally happy people and make others happy in the process.  They give love and get it in return.

A Touching Video About Aging Parents

A friend of mine sent me this video.  I think anyone who has a parent with dementia can relate to the message here.  It made me cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUAE0aYrUBA

Europe Two Years Ago

Today is the two year anniversary of my youngest daughter's and my trip to Europe.   We planned this vacation in a period of about three months.  It just happened to be a time in our lives that we both were unemployed, so we saw it as our window of opportunity to do something we might not ever get a chance to again.  We had the time, we had some savings, and we both definitely had the desire to go to Europe.  I was so delighted that my daughter wanted to go on a month long trip with her mom!  My other two kids were married and had families, and I wanted to make sure it was ok with them that I took this trip with their younger sister.  I didn't want them to feel left out.  Once I got their approval and blessings, I felt better about it.  My daughter was 26 years old, and her boyfriend was totally supportive of her going on this trip, too.

I found the airline tickets online at AA.com about a month and a half before we left.  I was so lucky to have found these tickets!!!  It cost us each less than $300 for round trip, non-stop flights.  We flew from Chicago, where Alisa lives, and directly to London's Heathrow Airport, on April 1, 2009.  The flight was an overnighter, and it was comfortable since we had empty seats next to us so we could lay down, but it was still hard to sleep because of our excitement.  Coming home, we left from Frankfurt, Germany, on May 1st, one month after we arrived in Europe.

We arrived in London early in the morning on April 2nd.  We were dragging our feet that day but we managed to get a lot of sight-seeing in, by riding the double-decker bus and getting off at several different locations, and even went to a broadway show that night.  It's funny, because the show was a rock and roll show about the band, Queen, called We Will Rock You, and even with the loud music and awesome performance, we were both nodding our heads throughout the show.  That night we slept well, and after about a couple of days we became acclamated to the time change.

It was supposed to be a back-packing trip, but we soon realized we were not the type to walk around with back packs.  After about 10 days we both bought suitcases with wheels.  It was more difficult getting up and down the steps at train stations (funny stories about that), but all in all, it was much better for our backs.  Plus, we could pack our things a lot easier in the suitcases, and there was room for purchases, too.

One thing we did that was so important for me, was to go back to my former high school in Frankfurt Germany, and to the base we lived on in Hanau, Germany.  I lived in Germany my senior year because my dad got transferred there for his job.  I attended Frankfurt American High School, and graduated in 1974.  I hadn't been there since then, and I always wanted to go back.  The Old Argonner housing base was closed, but we could walk around and see it through the gates.  The former school closed its doors to the American students in 1995, I believe, and it is now a German technical school.  It was awesome being able to take my daughter there.  All these emotions welled up in me as we walked up to the school, as soon as we turned the corner on the street and I saw the school.  It brought me back in time.  I just can't explain it, but I was just so emotional.  Luckily, a teacher invited us in and let us look around.  It was so cool!

There's just way, way, way too much to tell about this trip, and I just don't want to start, because if I do, I will write pages and pages!  I have my journal to reflect upon today.  To sum it all up, it went something like this...thirty days of traveling, thirty two cities, eight countries, including England, France, Monaco, Italy, Vatican City, Austria, Czech Republic and Germany, 4,500 photographs, riding numerous trains, buses, and doing A LOT of walking, getting lost at times, shopping, laughing, sometimes laughing hysterically, crying, seeing things we never thought we would, seeing things we came to see, yelling at rude Romans (well, one), learning more about the world and each other, surviving some dangerous situations, shopping in local markets, sharing meals if we ate at expensive restaurants, eating different foods, meeting people from all over the world, getting a little drunk once  (sorry, but it's true), learning different languages with every country we visited, trying to use those languages we just learned, writing our wonderful thoughts and experiences in our journals every night, staying at hostels, bed and breakfasts, and budget hotels, sometimes just leaving the train station to find one, washing our clothes in the sink and hanging them to dry, and hoping they'd be dry before we had to pack up and leave the next day, or going to the laundromat, doing what we wanted, when we wanted, but still following a basic itinerary and keeping within our budget, and having the most amazing, incredible, memorable time of our lives!

On the plane ride home, we both stayed awake the whole time.  It was a day time flight, so that was easier on us even though it was a long flight.  We finished our notes in our journals and then enjoyed reading each other's stories.  It was interesting to see our different interpretations and what we both thought was noteworthy.  The flight home was a time of reflection.

Here's just a tiny selection of pictures of our wonderful European journey...remember, we took over 4,500 photographs!

I'm standing in front of my former high school, Frankfurt American High School.  It is now a German technical school.